Smoke in the air

There is no eternal darkness within us nor is there pure light, there is just grey smoke which convulses swishing around, sometimes taking horrible shapes and sometimes lets light shine through. This post comes to me in the light of the sever awareness of violence against women that has come to light, I don’t really write about serious matters of the present, I usually ramble about my own personal nonsense which no one seems to read. As I walked to class today I noticed a clothes line across the central square, tee shirts market with violence, telling tales of men who lack even the slightest ounce of dignity or shame. I didn’t know what to think, as I’m slightly dead inside, but I couldn’t help wondering what would bring a person to hurt someone inferior.

A kind of primal instinct that throws them into a mad rage, something I’ve noticed about men of this kind. Violence unfortunately, has always been present in our history, although I think it’s intensity has gradually decreased, from the way we treated slaves in the 1500’s to today’s common violence. Enlightenment of course, is the reason for this decline, but I wonder if it can be erased permanently, probably not. We are on the right path though, the right way to deal with these things is together, just like in history, it is all of us together who stop the oppressive people. No one person can shoulder the responsibility of all that is good and honorable, that person is usually assassinated.

But like all bad things, this too shall pass. Nothing is permanent; and like smoke in the air, this too shall dissolve.


Expectations and reality

There comes a time in your life when you must face big and stressful events which are highly critical to everything that you hope to be, and just as how you read a book and imagine the world in it, so to will you imagine the scenario you will be in when you face that event.

I faced such an event recently when I went to the U.S embassy to stand for my student visa, it marked a turning point in my life, a time for new beginnings and renewed enthusiasm. The worst part was the night before, because these days we tend to internalize a lot of things, mostly because we are not at war, which is a good thing of course. All our tensions and anxiety twist and writhe within us, growing dark and clouding our minds with unfounded fear. When I thought of the embassy before going there, I imagined a shiny maroon glass floor, with high copper pillars and large amounts of time spent standing up or walking. The actual place though, was quite different, although security was strict (which they needed to be), after the initial check the embassy opened up into a friendly garden with a stone walkway with offices standing next to the growing plants. The place had a refreshment counter too and I could see the sun shine through the glass walls; makes me wonder if they made it comforting on purpose expecting worry ridden people like me. Fortunately, I got the visa without much hassle. This is mainly what prompted me to write about our expectations and how misleading they can be. It gets even worse when it’s a good thing that’s going to happen.

There is nothing more amazing than the world our minds can make, and often times we get a bit carried away with our fantasizing, so much so that there is nothing the “real” world can give us to satisfy the minds needs, leaving us feeling a bit empty and unfulfilled, which personally, is the worst thing I could feel. That’s why trips planned months in advance slowly loose their luster and become less appealing. I believe in spontaneity, when you do things on impulse, like when you just decide to leave for that party on short notice and you have the time of your life even though everything went by in a blur. You’re left feeling satisfied, a feeling from the heart and not the mind.

So stop living in your head and live for real, when you feel your mind get tense, learn to let go and let your thoughts wash over you. Your expectations must neither be good nor bad, they should be non existent.

On the brink of catastrophe

Have you ever had one of those times when your sure that everything that could have gone wrong in your life had gone wrong and that there was nothing you could possibly do to fix it. It is during these times that we can truly reflect on our lives, even our strongest resolves turn to ashes, the feeling is like an electric current coursing through your veins and it gives you a new sense of clarity which is truly beautiful because in that moment, that moment when you realize that this is the end; what are you then? Are you a father, friend or whatever else that you think defines you. You are nothing, when you take that leap and feel that fall, all that you think you are, you are not, all the things that we think that define us, the guise that we wrap ourselves in vanishes, and we are nothing, hence there is nothing we cannot do.

In our lives we live in fear, everyday we go about our lives afraid, afraid of what is to be and what is within, although we do not admit to it, and seldom face it, it hangs over us like a dark cloud, preventing us from doing things we later regret not doing. In the business world, we term this risk; it is believed that there is always some amount of risk in everything we do. The more risk you take the more likely you are to fail or to succeed, so it is a matter of chance but the choice is yours wether to chance it or not.

Some people term it as a principle of conservatism or “playing safe” as it’s otherwise called, but the world is changing and new radical ideas are killing the conservative ideology, if we truly hope for significant change for the better, playing it safe is not an option. It mainly depends on wether a person prefers certainty over uncertainty. The former person would likely want things going their way and do not appreciate any unexpected changes, their scared of what may happen to them if things didn’t go their way and so they enforce their rules. This basic system can be seen pretty much everywhere, although ranging in severity from a dictatorship to a petty thief putting a gun to your head. It gives us a sense of control in our uncertain world.

But try as we can the human nature in incredibly volatile and cannot be controlled, and the vigor in which we resist will be greater, should that control be tightened. On a more personal level though we could have the most interesting lives, if we could only forever live on the brink of catastrophe.

On Indecisiveness

I have noticed lately that my writing has been somewhat forced, as though I am willing my entire being into doing something it doesn’t want to, like some kind of deranged psychopath whose sole interest is the destruction of all free will; then I thought, why on earth are you forcing yourself, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I still don’t know whether I want to or not because I’m such an indecisive specimen, I wonder what would happen if I just left it and ran away, like how one would leave something annoying tied up and in a box left on a park bench and just run away, but do not fret blog, I have not given up just yet, and although my indecisiveness can be a pain most of the time, it is also the reason I started this. I took a major decision last year or rather I decided to push my decision by a year, which is by itself, quite major. The decision of course was about going to college. I wasn’t ready, I simply wasn’t ready, I could feel it in my bones; school life went by so fast that I was left catching my breath, I needed time to contemplate.

I was going through some of my drafts that I didn’t bother to follow-up and I was shocked to find that most of them started with “I know I haven’t been posting much lately” that might as well be my catch phrase from now on, that’s just how much I’ve been putting this off. But I still come back every time and always insist on writing more, I’m not sure if I have writers block or I’m just plain lazy, but I continue to persist and never fail to come back, wether it be a week later or a month, it doesn’t matter, nothing matters as long as you do what you want to do, because in the end we are all dead. If you truly understand that, that it doesn’t matter what choice you make, then you might as well make the choices you want to and see where that takes you. That has been one major cure for the indecisiveness that plagues me, for the mind cannot deny what the heart wants, even if it’s needs are, sometimes,highly unreasonable. On the other hand, when someone asks you want you want to do in life and you answer spontaneously, you probably don’t know what you’re talking about. I believe that one of the hardest questions a person is asked in life is where does your heart lie or what are you passionate about. People always say you must work hard to achieve your goals, but goals are always changing, in school it may be to get good grades, in college it would be to network well, and after that to not face unemployment. Your ultimate goal may be to die, but if you did it well, your passion will last forever.


I haven’t posted in quite a while, partly because I have begun to question why I write or why anybody of my stature would write, my stature being nothing; I’m just your average everyday person, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary.. I have sorrow, but sorrow is ordinary. Me along with millions of other people just like me are plagued by this mental sickness that everything we do or say just doesn’t matter because of the sheer number of us on the planet. I believe that each person is unique, yes, and you could shrink the number of people down to only those who can express themselves through some way, but still as new generations come along more and more people are starting to become expressive, the platforms where they can express themselves are becoming increasingly destabilized.

I have come into the habit of watching v-loggers on You tube, I feel v-logging really is the epitome of self expression, daily v-logging for example, lets you have a look into a persons entire life and witness his/her’s unique personality, and normal v-logging is when you sit in front of a camera and just talk about whatever you want, v-loggers attain a level of self expression which is hard to come by anywhere else and also which I am kept from by my limited ability to express myself fully in words. The thing is, all the big time You tubers actually get paid to do what they do and when people found out about this they followed the money, because that’s really the end game isn’t it? well no, the endgame is survival, which unfortunately we need money to do. That increasing need for money while trying to express yourself at the same time is okay to some extent, but industries such as music and movies have crossed the limit in that need for money, but we couldn’t really help that, people will naturally, overtime, want more for themselves, I mean who wouldn’t want a bigger house or a better car. They reach the need for Prestige the second highest in Maslows hierarchy of needs, it’s a natural process and it is integrated within each one of us. But, as I have learned, where there is great wealth, there are very few people; that’s why so much wealth is concentrated into the hands of a few, the competition level sky rockets; you would have to be truly amazing and mind blowing to make it anywhere in the music industry these days, or any industry for that matter, the bar has been raised too high and it’s becoming harder to climb the ladder to fame.

This shows me how expressing yourself through any form of media is getting exceedingly money oriented and how this is making it harder and harder for fresh talent to form and take root, causing the insignificance I feel.

Text Talk


so hy guys m gonna b writing lik dis frm now onwrds cause thas how I relly tok irl life…. and thas how mst f de ppl talk on the interweb nwdays

Okay I can’t do this anymore, it makes my skin crawl to force myself to write like that. If you’re into high quality literature you probably cringe every time you see someone on the internet type like that or if you get a message on some festive occasion saying ” hey man hppy new year hve a gr8 yr ahed :DDDDD”, it’s one of those major face palm moments for me whenever that happens.

Throughout the late ninety’s until today people have been quite restless and impatient. With the development of new technologies to make out life easier and do things faster, to us humans, it is never fast enough and never convenient enough, that’s why we strive to come up with even faster technologies which we truly have no need for. In fact this obsession over speed is so pervasive in us that it has even permeated the way we write and pretty soon the way we read too. So developed a new kind of language, the SMS language. Here words are abbreviated and sometimes numbers thrown in to make the whole reading and writing experience, short and quick. I believe that this kind of writing is actually eroding our actual writing ability, but I guess people can’t really write Shakespearean English while texting, even though it may sound beautiful, it’s not really practical.

Although I acknowledge text talk to be a form of writing in its own, I still loathe it and refrain from using it at all times. I don’t know if I hate it because it goes against everything I learned or because I’m just a naturally slow person and I lack the urge to do every thing really fast, on the contrary I actually like taking things slow… too slow (procrastination reference). Now don’t get me wrong I don’t use old English while I text my friends, that would be quite hilarious. I just keep it simple, and I don’t reduce my words to the dismal state that they are brought to by most people; a sentence that has wrong words and incorrect grammar looks incomplete to me, but if you don’t really care about proper grammar and are looking for something quick and easy, then this is the thing for you, wait what am I saying, you’re probably already using it. I told my friend about this post I’m writing and she seemed to disagree, she said that this was just a phase and eventually people will start writing normally again; but as long as technology exists and as long as people fail to see the beauty of the language that they so easily brutalize, ”ppl will cntinue to type lik dis”

So lets look at this from several perspectives, taking away my human bias that goes against change. With our constantly improving technology and more places gaining access to the internet, more and more people will start writing like that; future generations who will be born into an era with that state of technology will find it natural to write like that, because people have already been doing it and those people will most probably be their elders. A person such as me wouldn’t exist or would be very old in a future such as that, remembering the ‘good ol days’ when we used to write normally. Of course normal writing will still exist in books and students will still be taught English in school, but I imagine it to be somewhat changed, just as it changed from Shakespearean times to now. ┬áThis change in the way we write has a strong correlation to the change in the way we talk, like in this day and age the way we talk has changed since older times and it has taken its toll on writing, changing it to a simpler form, and ‘text talk’ I believe, is a by-product of that change with the addition of new ways of writing (social media etc); this correlation between talking and writing comes about due to similarities between the two at any given point in time whether it be older times or the current time. The way we speak English is the way we write it, and this SMS language closely resembles the everyday spoken word, as we don’t speak with spelling or grammar in mind, those things come naturally to us, and because they come naturally to us and are so subtle when we speak them, we either choose to ignore them or fail to interpret them into the written word; and as a result make some dire mistakes when we’re trying to communicate something, and good communication ability, is one of the most important things a person can have in his or her life; that everyone, is why you must pay attention during English class.