On Indecisiveness

I have noticed lately that my writing has been somewhat forced, as though I am willing my entire being into doing something it doesn’t want to, like some kind of deranged psychopath whose sole interest is the destruction of all free will; then I thought, why on earth are you forcing yourself, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I still don’t know whether I want to or not because I’m such an indecisive specimen, I wonder what would happen if I just left it and ran away, like how one would leave something annoying tied up and in a box left on a park bench and just run away, but do not fret blog, I have not given up just yet, and although my indecisiveness can be a pain most of the time, it is also the reason I started this. I took a major decision last year or rather I decided to push my decision by a year, which is by itself, quite major. The decision of course was about going to college. I wasn’t ready, I simply wasn’t ready, I could feel it in my bones; school life went by so fast that I was left catching my breath, I needed time to contemplate.

I was going through some of my drafts that I didn’t bother to follow-up and I was shocked to find that most of them started with “I know I haven’t been posting much lately” that might as well be my catch phrase from now on, that’s just how much I’ve been putting this off. But I still come back every time and always insist on writing more, I’m not sure if I have writers block or I’m just plain lazy, but I continue to persist and never fail to come back, wether it be a week later or a month, it doesn’t matter, nothing matters as long as you do what you want to do, because in the end we are all dead. If you truly understand that, that it doesn’t matter what choice you make, then you might as well make the choices you want to and see where that takes you. That has been one major cure for the indecisiveness that plagues me, for the mind cannot deny what the heart wants, even if it’s needs are, sometimes,highly unreasonable. On the other hand, when someone asks you want you want to do in life and you answer spontaneously, you probably don’t know what you’re talking about. I believe that one of the hardest questions a person is asked in life is where does your heart lie or what are you passionate about. People always say you must work hard to achieve your goals, but goals are always changing, in school it may be to get good grades, in college it would be to network well, and after that to not face unemployment. Your ultimate goal may be to die, but if you did it well, your passion will last forever.

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